The Greatest Weight

by Maggie Morgan

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1.
my words are all i have sometimes when nobody wants to listen to me cry and how could they hear me, over this deafening screaming? i lose my voice yelling at an uncaring sky and i have spent the last six months or so alone and wallowing in my disease at home my bones might feel brittle, and my joy might have been little but now, hot, out from me like thawing winds it blows this whole thing is nothing but a bit of merry-making after a long isolation and powerlessness the rejoicing of strength returning of a re-awakened faith in tomorrow, and all ensuing days of a sudden sense and anticipation of a future, of impending adventures on open seas again and what did not lie behind me then! sometimes i get tired of the world and a humankind that doesn’t think at all and i find myself in tyranny, of self-destructive tendencies and i isolate myself til i can come up for air but now gratitude pours forth from me like a crystal waterfall, continually and after all this thirst, in that desert so accursed the clear blue water is ecstasy this whole thing is nothing but a bit of merry-making after a long isolation and powerlessness the rejoicing of strength returning of a re-awakened faith in tomorrow, and all ensuing days and after this aweless experience i need nothing more than to look for something foolish and who would mind if i wanted some gay science or exuberance?
2.
as i lie awake in bed at night in the throes of despair, loneliest loneliness, im trying just to stay awake, to breathe in and out in a life that has no weight do your hands ever feel like sand? meaningless and empty, like everything you touch falls through them into this hourglass, sitting upside down and drips right out the bottom to the ground, to the ground and i feel, like i will crumble if nothing new takes hold and i am cursed to repeat my life in an endless circle with every ounce of failure and defeat, and nothing new to see even every joy and every smile and every sigh will be echoing forever in the corners of my mind and it fills me up with dread, to imagine it, what does that say about me? i am seized all over by terror, something give me strength to move on from all my errors and tell me, what does it mean? i feel like i have seen a god, a divine and holy being, beyond me cause in an instant something shifts, im overcome, crushed, and possessed by this idea - do i desire this over again for all existence oh, and do i have a choice, i feel the gravity in my voice above it and all fragility escapes me oh the greatest weight, fills me up and it brings me down from nothing into foundation my weightlessness, it is no more and i know i’m happy in this haven, and all its sense every moonlit tree with deep black leaves, shines its light on me, and i am filled with an ineffable feeling of salvation, like the world has forgiven me and given me in return, fulfillment and resolve
3.
2. Avarice 03:07
How my heart takes possession And longs for something new Each time I get tired Ego in its full expression Exclude the world from precious good For my desire All that I will say to you Calling through a distance From my heart and mine alone And do I call this love Oh this feeling, I just want to cover you Here I lie with such intestinal blight My stomach is turning, it keeps me up at night Acidic lust burns up these butterflies I am filled with desire, my love, to make you mine, mine, mine Changing and maintaining myself, I just want to own you To cover you completely I alone want to be loved by you Reach my hand into your heart And take it all for me And if any other hand Has any other stake in you I’d be deprived Cause all my love for you consumes me Imagine life without it, darling I’d cry Here I lie with such intestinal blight My stomach is turning, it keeps me up at night Acidic lust burns up these butterflies I am filled with desire to make you mine Avarice in every crevice of my mind A love pure and simple, all-consuming fire Before I move on to pleasure of a higher kind I am filled with desire, my love, to make you mine, mine, mine
4.
I stand on a precipice And the wind blows up from under me Will it take me away? Above me stars spin around elegantly, Silver and delirious - They lead me astray And I think that maybe it’d be not so hard to find A little sense of reason in the wind’s poetic rhymes And the overlapping stanzas in the star’s eternal lines Lord knows those before me have But all this is, this beauty and excellence Is a melody with no chorus, modulating on forever Yet there is no eternal force and that infernal key Is lost, or maybe it is broken, but either way The box, I can’t wind the box up again It’s chaos and a beautiful mistake I delight in all inconsequence Life’s insignificance, And all that is I might say the world is picturesque Aesthetically splendiferous And that would be no sin But I know that deep down I’d be wrong to believe That there is any law that governs the changing of the leaves Or my lungs that take air in and out each time I breathe Though Lord knows those before me have believed it But all this is, this beauty and excellence Is a melody with no chorus, modulating on forever Yet there is no eternal force and that infernal key Is lost, or maybe it is broken, but either way The box, I can’t wind the box up again It’s chaos and a beautiful mistake
5.
4. Amor Fati 05:06
The mist that rests inside my eyes And the soft thump-thump of my heart Oh they remind me of my fragile state This is the body I wish to grow beyond And I have had a tragic life Filled with regret And everybody looks for someone’s will to blame And I accuse because I want something more (than this) Maybe things don’t turn out right Or maybe I take them too far Just this one January night I wanna have faith in fate And to love how I’m living oh, Mistakes and all To see the beauty in my life, Oh, I ask for nothing more. Not just to bear all my mistakes, But to love them all henceforth, Even the pockmarks on my life, Uglier and blacker than coal, I want to love all I stand for I have shut myself away Hidden house up in the mountains I cannot write to save my life I cannot help but feel ungrounded Reality seems like a lie Satisfaction an illusion I try to find beauty in suffering cause I have suffered so I want to regret no more, regret no more At the end of this sickness Lest it all remain unsaid That from all such abysses I rise with a tenderer tongue malicious and more joyful than before i am newborn To see the beauty in my life Oh, I ask for nothing more Not just to bear all of my sins But to love them all henceforth Even the pockmarks on my life Uglier and blacker than coal I want to love all I stand for
6.
5. Sober 02:38
cold metal underneath my legs cannot snap me out of my mind though I can feel it underneath me I am struck as I am stuck here waiting for a sense of feeling to enclose me again how in the past month have I felt nothing? it has been at least three weeks since I've been drunk on passion since the sickly sweet liqueur of love has coursed right through my veins I thought that I'd be better off if I strayed from that connection but this dryness has made desert dust of my brain I am starting to think that maybe I was wrong and it was bad to try and distance myself from all the errors of my past and those before me that have made me who I am today as objective as I might try to be in some way these make me think something it has been at least three weeks since I've been drunk on passion since the sickly sweet liqueur of love has coursed right through my veins I thought that I'd be better off if I strayed from that connection but this dryness has made desert dust of my brain and all of you like me who try to turn from human fault should know that ignorance is all that comes from this mistake cause none of this is real until we know just what to call it and it would be a shame to forget the name won't it make a dry desert dust from my brain
7.
6. Misery 04:24
Misery, we don’t know you anymore Wherefore have you left us These days nobody wants to say your name Unless in theoretical discourse Experience, the Age of Fear Lost to little and petty descriptions Sickening refinement, of the body and the soul This is how it seems with most To live is to suffer, But we’ve grown so numb to pain That life’s every lesion kills our lamb If times were tougher, Then perhaps we could abstain From fearing all that gives us cognizance Mosquito bites on the inside of my soul Harsh and bloody like a war Malignant scars on the stomach of my life My teeth are riddled with tumors My jaw aches heavy with the weight of living I can barely bring myself to speak And misery destroys itself, for all it is Is the feeling felt by the week To live is to suffer, But we’ve grown so numb to pain That life’s every lesion kills our lamb If times were tougher, Then perhaps we could abstain From fearing all that gives us cognizance To live is to suffer But we’ve grown so numb to pain That life’s every lesion kills our lamb If times were tougher, Then perhaps we could abstain From fearing all that gives us cognizance
8.
my mind is shiny like a mirror sweet reflection of the world in which i reside phantoms and false lights dance on the walls of the cave inside my soul and i am terri- -fied of the demons dancing round me yet im drawn like a moth is to light but they will burn me up inside their candles in hot fire that lights inside me but in the light there exists a holy presence that i cant deny fractured rays come together and i feel the warmth of His gaze but it makes me cold i turn away from the greatness in the depths of my soul self-magnified light is pouring and im blinded in the underworld of my mind yet who is this shining imposter? who steals my blood from the redness in my veins it drips down his lips like wax, hot and melting he bores right through me with his empty gaze i find im grounded in my body like i cant crawl outside the confines of my mind but maybe im just trapped under his shadows im chained to the walls of this cave that i must live in- -side for all eternity any attempt to get out would destroy me every whimper and worry just refracts, and all my fears deepen around me but in my mind there is a false reflection in the center of the light a big black hole it takes the goodness and the light from the center of my soul so i delude myself the other world i wish for injures my internal health and when the stars burn out ill be left with nothing but the world inside itself when i die anorexic suicide
9.
There was a time in our lives when we were so close That nothing seemed to obstruct our friendship And brotherhood, and only a small footbridge separated us Just as you were about to step on it, I asked you: "Do you want to cross the footbridge to me?" Immediately, you did not want to anymore When I asked you again, you just stayed silent But I could hear your heart beating And yet you didn’t want to cross to me Since then, mountains and torrential rivers And whatever separates and alienates Has been cast between us on the ground. And even if we wanted to get together, We couldn't, but now, when you think of that Little footbridge, words fail and you marvel and sob Oh you know I get that sense when your feeling freezes and you have power once again that you long to be free of this weakness You are governed by the whimsy of your heart You get lost in your dissimulation You hide those tender feelings like secrets Cause in seeking truth we learn to be numb inside To climb to the top of the mountain And look at all its little rocks up close But mountains lose majesty when they’re not at a distance And such is the same with life And yet we try to look inside Since then, mountains and torrential rivers And whatever separates and alienates Has been cast between us on the ground. And even if we wanted to get together, We couldn't, but now, when you think of that Little footbridge, words fail and you marvel and sob Since then, mountains and torrential rivers And whatever separates and alienates Has been cast between us on the ground. And even if we wanted to get together, We couldn't, but now, when you think of that Little footbridge, words fail and you marvel and sob Since then, mountains and torrential rivers And whatever separates and alienates Has been cast between us on the ground. And even if we wanted to get together, We couldn't, but now, when you think of that Little footbridge, words fail and you marvel and sob (No, do not stay in the field! Nor climb out of sight. For the best view of the world, Is from a medium height! Bleib nicht auf ebnem Feld! Steig nicht zu hoch hinaus! Am schönsten siet die Welt Von halber Höhe aus.)
10.
9. Poppies 03:41
Gestern nachts, als alles schlief, Kaum der Wind mit ungewissen Seufzern durch die Gassen lief, Gab mir Ruhe nicht das Kissen, Noch der Mohn, noch, was sonst tief Schlafen macht, - ein gut Gewissen. Endlich schlug ich mir den Schlaf Aus dem Sinn und lief zum Strande. Mondhell war's und mild, - ich traf Mann und Kahn auf warmem Sande, Schläfrig beide, Hirt und Schaf: - Schläfrig stieß der Kahn vom Lande. Eine Stunde, leicht auch zwei, Oder war's ein Jahr? - da sanken Plötzlich mir Sinn und Gedanken In ein ew'ges Einerlei, Und ein Abgrund ohne Schranken Tat sich auf: - da war's vorbei! - Morgen kam: auf schwarzen Tiefen Steht ein Kahn und ruht und ruht ... Was geschah? so rief's, so riefen Hundert bald: was gab es? Blut? - - Nichts geschah! Wir schliefen, schliefen Alle - - ach, so gut! so gut!
11.
Gestern nachts, als alles schlief, Kaum der Wind mit ungewissen Seufzern durch die Gassen lief, Gab mir Ruhe nicht das Kissen, Noch der Mohn, noch, was sonst tief Schlafen macht, - ein gut Gewissen. Endlich schlug ich mir den Schlaf Aus dem Sinn und lief zum Strande. Mondhell war's und mild, - ich traf Mann und Kahn auf warmem Sande, Schläfrig beide, Hirt und Schaf: - Schläfrig stieß der Kahn vom Lande. Eine Stunde, leicht auch zwei, Oder war's ein Jahr? - da sanken Plötzlich mir Sinn und Gedanken In ein ew'ges Einerlei, Und ein Abgrund ohne Schranken Tat sich auf: - da war's vorbei! - Morgen kam: auf schwarzen Tiefen Steht ein Kahn und ruht und ruht ... Was geschah? so rief's, so riefen Hundert bald: was gab es? Blut? - - Nichts geschah! Wir schliefen, schliefen Alle - - ach, so gut! so gut! --- Aus deinem Munde, Du speichelflüssige Hexe Zeit, Tropft langsam Stund’ auf Stunde. Umsonst, dass all mein Ekel schreit: "Fluch, Fluch dem Schlunde Der Ewigkeit!" Welt – ist von Erz: Ein glühender Stier, – der hört kein Schrein. Mit fliegenden Dolchen schreibt der Schmerz Mir in’s Gebein: "Welt hat kein Herz, Und Dummheit wär’s, ihr gram drum sein!" Giess alle Mohne, Giess, Fieber! Gift mir in’s Gehirn! Zu lang schon prüfst du mir Hand und Stirn. Was frägst du? Was? "Zu welchem – Lohne?" – – Ha! Fluch der Dirn’ Und ihrem Hohne! Nein! Komm zurück! Draussen ist’s kalt, ich höre regnen – Ich sollte dir zärtlicher begegnen? – Nimm! Hier ist Gold: wie glänzt das Stück! – Dich heissen "Glück"? Dich, Fieber, segnen? – Die Thür springt auf! Der Regen sprüht nach meinem Bette! Wind löscht das Licht, – Unheil in Hauf’! – Wer jetzt nicht hundert Reime hätte, Ich wette, wette, Der gienge drauf!
12.
my words are all i have sometimes when nobody wants to listen to me cry and how could they hear me, over this deafening screaming? i lose my voice yelling at an uncaring sky and i have spent the last six months or so alone and wallowing in my disease at home my bones might feel brittle, and my joy might have been little but now, hot, out from me like thawing winds it blows this whole thing is nothing but a bit of merry-making after a long isolation and powerlessness the rejoicing of strength returning of a re-awakened faith in tomorrow, and all ensuing days of a sudden sense and anticipation of a future, of impending adventures on open seas again and what did not lie behind me then! sometimes i get tired of the world and a humankind that doesn’t think at all and i find myself in tyranny, of self-destructive tendencies and i isolate myself til i can come up for air but now gratitude pours forth from me like a crystal waterfall, continually and after all this thirst, in that desert so accursed the clear blue water is ecstasy this whole thing is nothing but a bit of merry-making after a long isolation and powerlessness the rejoicing of strength returning of a re-awakened faith in tomorrow, and all ensuing days and after this aweless experience i need nothing more than to look for something foolish and who would mind if i wanted some gay science or exuberance?

about

(NOTE: In lieu of italics or underlining, I will be using quotation marks to represent titles, as this format does not permit me to underline or italicize.)

“The Greatest Weight” is an album based off of an inspired by Freidrich Nietzsche’s ideas in “The Gay Science,” as tranlsated by Walter Kaufmann. The book, originally published in 1882, and released as a second edition with an additional fifth part and an appendix of songs, covers a variety of subjects across all of Nietzsche’s thought, and does so with beautiful, inspiring, and deeply emotional prose. As Kaufmann writes in his introduction to “The Gay Science,” it “mirrors all of Nietzsche’s thought and could be related in hundreds of ways to his other books, his notes, and his litters. And yet, it is complete in itself. For it is a work of art” (Kaufmann 26). More than any of Nietzsche’s other works, it expresses the suffering common to all humanity - the suffering that Nietzsche himself experienced in his life - and this is what makes it so profound and beautiful.

That, above all, is what I tried to encapsulate in this album: not just Nietzsche’s concepts, or even just his prose - but the fundamental human emotion and experience that he expresses, the tension, the struggle, the overcoming - the human-ness that he writes about and possesses. That is what inspires me most about Nietzsche, and indeed, all philosophy. It reflects and dicsusses something so profoundly familiar to all of us, and looks for ways to overcome it, or to minimize it, or to eradicate it, to cope with it, to understand it, to explain it. Philosophy is in this way the highest expression of human existence and purpose, and that to me is incredibly beautiful, and inspiring. This inspiration leads me, to, of all things, music - because, ultimately, to me, music is just as profound and important a way to deal with human emotion and human suffering, to capture the human condition, and to share it with others. It is how I deal with the bulk of my emotions, and how I move past the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, how I relate to my emotional self and even to other people. Music gives me a way, just like philosophy gave Nietzsche a way, to cope with or to explore the problems in life, to overcome existential dread and panic - so, I wrote this album.

More specifically, “The Gay Science” seemed like the right choice for this album because of not only its humanity, but its subject matter; it is more personal than Nietzsche’s other works, and it deals with art and music very directly. I borrowed as well from other sources about Nietzsche, such as “On Nietzsche” by Eric Steinhart, or online databases.

Each track deals with a different aspect of Nietzsche’s thought (except for the last two, which are different versions of other tracks), and some of them (“Poppies,” “Die Mohnblume,” and “Footbridge”) take from Nietzsche’s poems and songs in the beginning and appendix of “The Gay Science” - another reason why this book was the clear choice for this project. As well, with the exception of the last two, which, as I already mentioned, are merely different versions of other tracks, the tracks are numbered, because Nietzsche writes in many series of numbered paragraphs, each of which expresses a different idea. I highly implore you to, while listening, read the descriptions for each song, which will tell you more about the ideas they are based on, the correlation between the lyrics and the content, and where in “The Gay Science” I got the inspiration from. They can be accessed if you click on each song individually.

This album, and each song on it, is priced at 0 dollars, so that anybody can download and enjoy it. Do not be afraid that you will have to pay when, if you try to download the album, it asks for your email - you will not be charged, nor will bandcamp send you any emails except for the download link. The email addresses go to me, so that I can see who my supporters are! Also, although it is 0 dollars, there is an option to pay more, and I would really greatly appreciate anything you can contribute, if you have the means. It is my blood, sweat, and tears that go into this album and each and every piece of music on here. It is so validating as an artist to have your work valued conventionally, and, again, I would really appreciate anything you have to offer.

Also, if anybody has any constructive criticism, which I greatly appreciate, or questions about Nietzsche, or any philosophical figure or idea, there is a link in my sidebar to a google form where you can anonymously give me any feedback! Or, if you do not wish to remain anonymous, talk to me in person about it, or contact me through the bandcamp contact info, down at the bottom. Thank you so much for reading and listening, and I hope that you enjoy, and learn to love Nietzsche as much as I do!

credits

released January 29, 2018

Album art is a watercolor done by me.

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Maggie Morgan San Francisco, California

Maggie Morgan is an independent singer-songwriter based in San Francisco, currently balancing her love of music with school. She has been making singles since 2014, and released her first full-length album, Wasting Time, in 2017.

She makes all her music with one microphone she got from her dad's friend Steve in her bedroom, on GarageBand.
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